I'm amazing

I forgot my login password this morning.

The password format is standard across the company, your initials followed by four numbers. I stared at the keypad for about 10 seconds and my fingers just couldnt get it right. Six tries.

In the past five years of my working life, even on mornings with the worst hangover, this has never happened to me.

I dont know if it is a sign or some unknowing psychological effect. I am leaving my job, you see.

Didnt have the chance to find out if it would eventually come back. I panicked, and called for help immediately after the sixth try.

a reason to laugh, or not...

When I told my friends I was going to be a comedian, they laughed at me
~ Carrot Top ~

Not with reference to myself.

I dont think I could handle a thousand pair of unfamiliar eyes (for that matter, not even one pair) staring at me, wondering what am I going to say next, when am I going to trip, why am I making excuses for silly jokes...

I have a lot of respect for comedians, I do. I admire them for what they do, and what they represent. You might expect them to be eloquent and grammatical, but not all of them are. It's the voice, sarcasm, body language, the look in their eyes - that makes them so unique. And intelligent.

They say clowns are unhappy people. I see them as... they are scary and scaring people!! Anyways... I like the sense of humour in comedians in that it is bitter-sweet storytelling, with a little bit of angst. They playback ironic situations, execute self-mockery and pinpoint everything in the world that has gone wrong.

Well... hehe. I dont have a point here.

I guess it's one of those days when all I want to do is to stand up and retort in my own language, the ridiculous things people do and how strongly I feel towards my one-sided psycho analysis.

And have a good laugh after that.

It's one of those days...

Are we thinking about being busy?

My sister sent me the following piece of "chew on it":

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Too many people put off something that brings them joy just because they haven't thought about it, don't have it on their schedule, didn't know it was coming or are too rigid to depart from their routine.

I got to thinking one day about all those women on the Titanic who passed up dessert at dinner that fateful night in an effort to cut back. From then on, I've tried to be a little more flexible.

How many women out there will eat at home because their husband didn't suggest going out to dinner until after something had been thawed? Does the word "refrigeration" mean nothing to you?

How often have your kids dropped in to talk and sat in silence while you watched 'Jeopardy' on television?

I cannot count the times I called my sister and said, "How about going to lunch in a half hour?" She would gas up and stammer, "I can't. I have clothes on the line. My hair is dirty. I wish I had known yesterday, I had a late breakfast, It looks like rain." And my personal favorite: "It's Monday.". She died a few years ago. We never did have lunch together.

Because we cram so much into our lives, we tend to schedule our headaches.. We live on a sparse diet of promises we make to ourselves when all the conditions are perfect!

We'll go back and visit the grandparents when we get Steve toilet-trained.

We'll have guests over when we replace the living-room carpet.

We'll go on a second honeymoon when we get two more kids out of college.

Life has a way of accelerating as we get older. The days get shorter, and the list of promises to ourselves gets longer. One morning, we awaken, and all we have to show for our lives is a litany of "I'm going to," "I plan on," and "Someday, when things are settled down a bit."

When anyone calls my 'seize the moment' friend, she is open to adventure and available for trips. She keeps an open mind on new ideas. Her enthusiasm for life is contagious. You talk with her for five minutes, and you're ready to trade your bad feet for a pair of Rollerblades and skip an elevator for a bungee cord.

My lips have not touched ice cream in 10 years. I love ice cream. It's just that I might as well apply it directly to my stomach with a spatula and eliminate the digestive process. The other day, I stopped the car and bought a triple-decker. If my car had hit an iceberg on the way home, I would have died happy.

Now...go on and have a nice day. Do something you WANT to......not something on your SHOULD DO list. If you were going to die soon and had only one phone call you could make, who would you call and what would you say? And why are you waiting?

Make sure you read this to the end; you will understand why I sent this to you.

Have you ever watched kids playing on a merry go round or listened to the rain lapping on the ground? Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight or gazed at the sun into the fading night? Do you run through each day on the fly? When you ask "How are you?" Do you hear the reply?

When the day is done, do you lie in your bed with the next hundred chores running through your head? Ever told your child, "We'll do it tomorrow." And in your haste, not see his sorrow? Ever lost touch? Let a good friendship die? Just call to say "Hi"?

When you worry and hurry through your day, it is like an unopened gift....Thrown away.... Life is not a race. Take it slower. Hear the music before the song is over.

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I wanted to send this out to those in my address book, those who bother and who care. Then I decided not to.

See, many of my friends appreciate a good break, not-too-corny humour and meaningful blurbs of words occasionally. So this might touch something like how it caused a tweeny spasm on my guilt nerve. But I dont want this article to be trashed, because it really did mean something to me.

If you have taken a peek at my academic or career records, you would have realised that I have not spent the bulk of my time trying to ace. I was just... trying. So unlike what was written on busy people juggling what they should do and misintepreting their sense of priority, I was just... procrastinating.

I think too much, way too much.

BUT I am aware of what is around me, and what I should be doing to those around.

I had the same feeling and problem with ice-cream too. Except that I would be questioned on why I wouldnt be able to eat my dinner after that.

It's not always about ourselves...

My world

Living in a world of our own.

This doesnt just apply to withdrawn, lonely and self-centered people with no friends. Sometimes we get too tuned out in our own world. We are too comfortable at our little corner. By that, I dont mean the occasional daydream or fantansy moments. But rather, we refuse to see what others see. We cover our ears and pretend to listen. We have an innate capability to dismiss respect for anything that requires some degree of sacrifice and courage to embark on.

Why? Is it because that by stepping out of our comfort zone, we would be threatened by what we judge?

I used to get irritated if I came across comments like these:

1. I didnt believe you'd be in civil service. it's one of those jobs that's so easy to get into as a fresh graduate.
ermm.. (Ms Shake-the-World Babe, by the way, got her first job through a friend's relative's referral)

2. So you are in health promotion. Do you need to, like, eat two apples and hit the gym everyday?
HA HA. Could pass off as a bleak ice-breaking attempt at first introduction. But as a standard greeting? Could she have done better?!

That pissed me off, but now makes me laugh.

I see it as a dumb remark from an insensitive but lucky pea brain. Why do I give a shit about what she says? She's obviously not thinking!

People form judgement on things they dont understand, on choices that were never presented to them. In my generation's definition of independence and hard work, some of my peers believe that starting a new life or career in foreign land is a good measure of survival instincts and adaptibility. Well, you talk about means to survival only in the army or on reality TV. As for adaptibility... it's not an option actually.

In Season II of 24, a dying George Mason was trying to persuade Jack Bauer to let him take over the suicide mission. Mason told Bauer to bail out, live on, finish the rest of the mission, fix the mess in his life, make it up to his daughter... and face his late wife, and continue serving his country well. That, I believe took more courage than the blaze and glory that followed diving of the plane carrying a nuclear bomb into desert land.

In life, the challenge and the tough part is not about roughing it out OUT THERE, my friend. It takes more than anyone can see or imagine, trying to make a difference in a seemingly stagnant place called home.

Investment - part 1

Investment. Such a "positive word", encouraging you to think of the future and plan for the future. Reap the rewards that will come, only in the future.

My insurance agent friend invited me to an interesting seminar where I learnt some shocking information. My child's university fees will cost close to half a million dollars (based on a 20-year projection). Ok, I forgot if that was for local or overseas education. In any case, if my child needs to go, has to go, wants to go; I dont have a choice. Oh by the way, my husband and I have not started a family yet, at this point.

And of course that is how the fund investment and all financial stuff come in.

Parents need to set aside a certain amount of money every month, for investment, so that their children can go to university. Sky-rocketed school fees aside, what happened to good old savings?

We cant afford to save because we have to invest. We are not disciplined enough to save, so investment schemes are invented to make us commit to contributing a fixed amount of money every month. Not just for our children. For our retirement, for our future. People need to be constantly reminded that they have worked hard for everything. Ironically, it is the investment that will pay off, not hard work. Even if you are the most diligent blue-collared worker but do not have an investment plan, at the end of the day, you will be worse-off than a fellow not so-hardworking blue-collared worker with one.

We have to invest so that we will have money for retirement. For those who ask what happened to CPF? Well, gone to a apartment with a 99-year lease. We earn, we spend, it's not enough; we invest. It is not an investment that brings you quick cash. It is an investment that you cant do without. Like a university education for your child? Hmm... yes.

I might sound mocking, but when the time is right I will jump onto the bandwagon too.

Investments come with long and thick strings attached.

Marriage: a decision or a feeling?

OK. I'm like doing 4 blogs in a day. Just collective thoughts saved somewhere, and now I decide to publish (some of) it. You can continue to assume that i'm too free or too OTT in blogging. Yes, i'm a virgin blogger.

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Some comments on an article written by some "wise, been there done that" person.

At first read, it seemed to make a lot sense. Never take things for granted, relationships need work. Blah. Blah. Blah.

I read it again. In summary, author seems to suggest that ALL marriages need work, with the who what why when how. ALL marriages need work? I mean, not that loosely defined: ALL marriages' survival are based on hard work and discipline, next to nothing on spontaneity and passion...???

The flowers and lingerie of concerted efforts come with much romance and joy. Lee Hwa Jewellery has a repeat customer and ESPN plays for 72 hours.

Is that really because we have to?

I'd be pretty freaked out if next time something nice happens and I hear a voice in my head that says "this is for your marriage to work; do the same and you will get peace". Think about what it does to self-worth. I have to work hard so my husband will love me BACK? I know all relationships are investments, but you do not to keep a notebook in your pocket to be reminded of that.

There are studies and formulae on everything and for anything. It's starting to boil down to unnecessary inventions and procedure. Like, I dont know, genetic engineering, plastic surgery? You set guidelines for things to improve, at the end of the day although problems are solved, but you open up a can of worms.

So, after saying all these, do I have a point?

Well yes. Moderation. One word. Period. You dont need a seminar or a thesis.


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DID I MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON?

During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said, "How do I know if I married the right person?"

I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, "It depends. Is that your husband?"

In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?"

Let me answer this question because the chances are
good that it's weighing on your mind.

Here's the answer.

EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies.

Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love... Because it's happening TO YOU.

People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet." Think about the imagery of that expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.

Falling is love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience.

But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.

The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I marry the right person?" And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.

Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work,a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.

But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it.

I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could.

And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this):


THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE
RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.


SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You can't "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" it day in and day out. That's why we have the expression "the labor of love."

Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.

Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.

Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable... you can "make" love.

Love in marriage is indeed a "decision"... Not just a feeling.

Hypocrisy - does it have to be in your face?

This blog might touch some sensitive nerves... Nothing personal.

Been wanting to understand the term hypocrisy. Who are the people that you would term "a hypocrite"?

When I was a child, a scenario to describe it would be, the kiasu-kiasi types who insisted they didnt study for their exams and spotted all the wrong topics, but still ended up scoring straight 'A's.

When I started working, a colleague expressed sympathy for a fellow-worker who was a mother with a newborn when the latter took child-leave quite frequently. But behind her back, the colleague said "I feel sorry for whoever's covering for the mummy while she utilises child-leave to the max".

This yuppie who tells you he goes to the gym 3 times a week, plays tennis during the weekends, goes on a low-carb diet; and encourages you to do the same - because it's healthy. Until you find out more about his lifestyle, which also includes late-nights, clubbing, alcohol and smoking. And you decide that he is in no position to give advice on healthy living. Does that make him a hypocrite, for just asking you to exercise and eat less, never crossed his mind to offer you a cigarette or buy you a vodka?

A devout follower of x religion, who is humble, caring, helpful and diligent, having an extra-marital affair in the name of solace. God forbid?!

The better-off telling those with loans to service and mortgages to settle "There's more to life than money; take time off. Do what you've been meaning to".

Hypocrisy. A common word with unusual meanings... The mother of judgement and excuses.

Cabbing it

I cant get a cab
Cab drivers in Singapore. I think they have a reputation. They are not the most polite drivers. They hide behind bushes on rainy days or at 11.30pm at night. And you wonder: where are the 35,000 cabs in Singapore?

They complain
The drivers talk to you about everything under their sun - the Government, elections, diesel prices, ERP, bad business etc etc. They talk like they are writing to the ST forum. Sure, life is tough and being a cab driver might not an ideal career choice. But hey, so probably are the uncles and aunties cleaning tables in the food courts. You dont see them bitching to customers having lunch?

They drive dangerously
Is it the nature of work, driving 10 - 12 hours a day that made them so irritating and irritable? Is it because the money is not good, so they cut lanes and cut corners? There are worse paying jobs around with more shitty environments. So, take it out on their own lives, and others?

A special case
I was out running errands. It was drizzling and not surprisingly I couldnt get a cab. After some waiting, walking cursing and praying, I eventually got one.

Three very elderly folks alighted and I heard the cab driver saying "bye and good day" very cheerfully to them. The moment I closed the door and gave my destination, he said "You know, miss. Whenever possible, I try not to pick up elderly passengers. When they reach their destinations, they always tell me they have no money and ask for discount on the cab fare!"

Based on the theory of selective listening, the first reaction in my head was "What?! Avoid picking up elderly passengers? You gonna leave waiting by the roadside until the cows come home?"

I heard the ask-for-discount bit moments later.

Well, I didnt think it would be appropriate to ask if it were a $3 or $0.30 discount. I dont really (like to) talk cab drivers...

Most of us might have no problem giving up our queue to an elderly man, or helping an old granny get cross the road. But to give a discount on cab fare? Is it fair? Well, you have to understand that taking a cab is quite different from purchasing an FMCG or medical item that people need, to survive. In this country, I believe senior citizens have already been accorded a certain amount of privilege. Taking a cab is in a way a form of luxury; so, privilege on top of luxury just because of age? Is it acceptable to abuse the "senior citizen" status? Isnt charity is something thats given, not asked for?

Cab drivers, yes it's not an easy job. But please dont take it out on us.